Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Hey Baby, Can I Sweep Your Chimney?

Disney World really is a place where you revert to childhood, even if you are a grown woman visiting with your husband and children. 

Case in point?  I was there last week and found myself unreasonably excited when Cinderella's Fairy Godmother winked at me during the parade.  I was almost teary when the final float came by, adorned with Aurora, Belle, Arielle, Snow White, and the mac daddy of all princesses, Cinderelly herself. 

However, the character I was most excited to see standing up there was not actually a princess, but a nanny. 


Now, I don't want to take on the whole nanny aspect of the Mary Poppins persona.  I've got my hands full with my own family, I don't need to be taking care of everyone else's children and dealing with pompous, obnoxious fathers and flighty suffragette mothers.  Oh no.  In fact, I probably would have punched George Banks in the mouth and then the Constable would have come and dragged me off to jail, the Sister Suffragettes singing along behind me and Bert and his chimney-sweep buddies cheering me along.  Good times, but not really a great example for a nanny to set for her charges. 

However, there are plenty of other reasons for wanting to be Mary Poppins over some of the Disney princesses.

For starters, look at her mode of transportation:  flying umbrella.  Think how convenient that whole floating thing could be.  Traffic in the town's center going to make me late to pick my son up from preschool?  No problem; I've got my trusty umbrella in the back.  Pull the car over, open the umbrella, and off I go, waving to the other motorists and yelling out, "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, suckers!"

Flying umbrella beats a coach made out of a pumpkin ANY DAY. 

Seriously, have you smelled the inside of a pumpkin? 

Cinderella must have looked DAMN good in that dress (we're talking Spanx and Miracle bras here...bippity boppity boobs, people) if she still managed to turn Prince Charming's head while smelling like stringy pumpkin goo.  Of course, Prince Charming obviously had a major foot fetish and she had those freakishly tiny feet, so it was probably just a matter of time before those two connected through a Craigslist ad.

But I digress.

Take a look at who Mary Poppins hangs with:  Bert.  Bert is a dude who TRAVELS WITH HIS OWN BAND ON HIS BACK.  He is literally a walking good time.  He's always happy and you can't really understand what he's saying; clearly he's got a flask of something good hidden under that cap of his.  He's not super hard-core on the party scene though; he spends his time on the rooftops of London, so he can't get TOO tipsy.  He parties only enough to know how to keep things fun. 

I mean, the guy leaps in and out of chalk drawings, for Christ's sake. 

Forget all those singing and dancing animals and candelabras; Bert's the kind of sidekick I want . 

Of course, there's also this unspoken kind of understanding that SOMETHING went down between the two of them long before they reunited at 17 Cherry Tree Lane.

You just KNOW he's swept her chimney.

And good for them for moving past it and being able to stay friends.

Then there is the bag:  Mary Poppins pulls a friggin' LAMP out of her purse. 


I thought I was the master of packing my diaper bag when my kids were younger, but MAN what I could do with a bag that can hold a lamp. 

Although I imagine it's a bitch to find your keys in.

But the best reason of all to be Mary Poppins? 

OH MY GOD have you seen the woman clean?  Mary Poppins snaps her fingers and the clothes fold themselves. 

And then?  They put themselves away. 

Tired of stepping on the never-ending string of Legos that always manage to be strewn through every room in the house?  Mary Poppins could snap her fingers and they would all jump together into the form of a rocket and then FLY themselves into the toy box.  When you're Mary Poppins, all you do is snap your fingers and sing a happy song.  Her song of choice was "A Spoonful of Sugar".  I don't know what kind of sugar she's hitting a spoonful of, but I'll take it. 

And I'd call it a spoonful of Awesomesauce.

1 comment:

  1. I have to tell you I have had a terrible week and you my dear really put a smile on my face and a song back into my heart today!
    This brought back so many memories!!! Having boys Mary Poppins is not a big fan in this house however, My kids do know " a spoon full of sugar" bit. From all the years of me singing and the supercala is a fav of mine too! So they just deal w/ me! lol
    Thank you for putting that song in my head today and bringing back so may memories back, I really needed it today! Your Blog is great and I couldnt agree more about the umbrella and the bag too! I love it all!!!!
    I think I will be watching that movie this weekend
    Thanks, Jacqui