Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Five Reasons to Stop Hating on the Snow (No, really.)

Log in to your Facebook or Twitter account and you'll see that people are talking about one thing:  snow. 

Also, Egypt. 

But mostly snow.

And people are pissed.

But snow's getting an unfair rap.  Everyone loves it at Christmas, yet by February we're cursing it out and counting down the days until baseball season starts.

The snow's not ALL bad.  Here are five reasons I've found to stop hatin': 

5) INCREASED SECURITY  With two feet of snow on the ground and another foot expected within the next 24 hours, there is no way in hell that Bad Guys can even GET to my house to steal my stuff.  Have you tried walking in thigh-high snow?  Even if they could get in, my ice-coated front steps and skating rink of a driveway would keep them from getting away with the loot.  I can't even coordinate carrying my son's backpack and the mail without landing flat on my ass.  Good luck trying to haul away my TV, Bad Guys!
(Author's Note:  This is in no way meant to be seen as a dare, Bad Guys.)

4) CANCELLING MY GYM MEMBERSHIP  Why would I keep paying my monthly gym membership when I'm getting a free workout at home?  In fact, since the snow started falling (wait, that implies that there was once a time when the snow did not fall; that can't be right...) I've been getting far more exercise than usual.  Everyone knows that shovelling counts as both cardio AND weight-training.  My upper body is JACKED.  Just the look I was going for.  Bring on the tank tops, bitches.  I'm ready.

3)  NOW I HAVE SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT WITH THE CREEPY GUY UP THE STREET  So there's this guy.  Who lives up the street.  And he's kind of creepy.  My youngest son and I pass him every day on our walk to pick up my first grader from school.  He sits on a chair on his front stoop and pets his really ginormous dog.  Each day he waves at us and each day we wave back while I silently pray that his dog won't jump the fence and eat my five year old.  Now, we have something to talk about.  We roll our eyes and say, "Can you believe this?"  Or we laugh and say, "Why do we live here again?"  This perk is not limited to Creepy Guys Up The Street; it gives you an opening to make small talk with your mailman, the cashier at the grocery store, or the moms at preschool pickup.  Everyone's up for snow talk; it's the Great Unifier.

2)  HONING MY SUPER MARIO BROTHERS SKILLS  Santa brought us a Wii for Christmas, but the rule is that it's for weekends and No School days only.  Needless to say, it's been getting lots of extra use this winter.  As such, I can almost beat my seven year old at Super Mario Brothers.  Almost.  Four or five more snow days and I will totally dominate the next coin battle. 

1)  FREE BIRTH CONTROL  Somewhere in the far, far recesses of my memory, there exists a time and place where being snowbound was something to be excited about.  It meant loading up the cabinets with junk food, making a beer run, renting a stack of movies (omg, remember video stores?), and shacking up with your favorite person for the duration of the storm.  What else is there to do when you're stuck inside for 48 hours straight?  Now, however, a 'long duration snow event' is more than just a polite way of saying 'a really awesome sleepover that falls in the middle of your work week'.  Now it means that your kids will never go to school again; they will forever be home (yelling, fighting, and polishing off the Oreos you wanted to eat while watching the red carpet re-cap of the latest awards show and yelling at Claire Danes to EAT A FRICKIN' SANDWICH ALREADY!).  Nothing promotes abstinence like a string of snow days.  And not only do you NOT need a prescription for it, but you don't even need to hide the box under a copy of In Style magazine at the check-out.

So, while I don't necessarily WELCOME the snow, I'm ready to deal with it with my new-found optimism. 

Now, if only I can convince my husband to pick up Oreos on his way home...

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