Not, like, actual cunnilingus.
I'm talking about the word.
Cunnilingus is just an ugly word. It sounds like something you'd catch from not wearing flip-flops in the shower at the gym.
Example: "I finally went to the doctor because my feet were SO itchy and red. Turns out I have effing cunnilingus and I have to use this nasty-smelling antifungal cream for like a week."
Or it could be something you cough up when you have a really disgusting chest cold.
Example: "No, I really shouldn't come to work today, I think I have a fever and I keep coughing up all this green cunnilingusy stuff. I'm pretty sick."
It could even pass for one of those really stinky cheeses that no one ever wants to touch or smell but that you're pretty sure the Barefoot Contessa could turn into something totally, amazingly delicious.
Example: "Omg, Barefoot Contessa just made this totally, amazingly delicious looking pastry thing that I'm dying to make, but she used cunnilingus and I don't think they sell that at Stop and Shop."
I think I've made my point.
Nice concept, horrible name.
Fellatio sounds like a delicious Italian treat. It sounds like some sort of really expensive, exquisite frozen desert that I want to eat with a teeny-tiny spoon in a small outdoor cafe in Milan.
Example: "You REALLY need to try the chocolate fellatio. It's worth the calories, trust me."
Are you picking up what I'm putting down?
So I'd like to suggest that we do away with the term cunnilingus (ewww) and replace it with a word that will evoke a more positive image. Something more feminine. Maybe even pretty.
I mean, most people I know are fans of it.
So how about we call it...
Seriously, doesn't that sound SO much nicer? Doesn't that make you feel all pretty and breezy and flowery and stuff? It's way sexier than the grungy cunnilingus (obviously a word invented by some dude who hated women). It's a word equal in imagery to fellatio.
Plus, it's a lot easier to spell.
Oh, and Dad, if you're reading this...I have no idea what any of this actually means.